so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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