Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
