She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
