Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
