Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
