I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
