im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
