dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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