i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
