guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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