we're blogging at a bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
