Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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