How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My cat gives me a boner
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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