Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
