i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
