I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
