sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pants are for mortals
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
