Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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