I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
