I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
