If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
