Cold hands, warm shart.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
