I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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