you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
