Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
