I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
