when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
