You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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