so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
