Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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