Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
