Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
