I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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