Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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