so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
