Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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