im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
