Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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