bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
