hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
