i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
