Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We are two peas in an std pod
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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