My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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