why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
