..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
