His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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