if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
