He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
