In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
