i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
