Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I forget how to act sober
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
