between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
