What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i think my cat just said my name.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
