you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
